


words are futile devices

by forsitvenire



Category: Football RPF
Genre: FC Schalke 04, M/M, Pre-Slash, tbh it's just Benni being over-protective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4499688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsitvenire/pseuds/forsitvenire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you ever feel uncertain about someone's feelings towards you, just sit down and think - there's a high chance they've already told you how they feel. Multiple times. You're just looking for the wrong phrases.</p>
            </blockquote>





	words are futile devices

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://waakeme-up.tumblr.com/post/106948761044/other-ways-of-saying-i-love-you) post. Just thought that this fits so well into my idea of Benni and Julian's relationship, since it's one thing to tell someone blatantly that you love them, but a completely different thing to actually show that you truly care about them. They'll figure it out anyways, eventually.  
> The title is taken from the song Futile Devices by Sulfjan Stevens, which has one of [the most accurate lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sufjanstevens/futiledevices.html) when it comes to their dynamics. So. You can check it out, it's pretty mellow and warms up your chest, you know, in that weird-but-nice way :).
> 
> It can be sort of described as pre-slash, and that's why you can read it any way you want it: as a platonic relationship, a romantic one or none at all. 
> 
> Also it appears that I am unable to write something that is not the shortest drabble possible, so sorry about that. And sorry for all grammar/spelling mistakes too, sadly, none of my works are beta-read. But anyways, enjoy!

**1.**

It had become some sort of a habit for them to walk together from every training at the end of the week. And so they were, on a late Friday evening, walking beside each other across the parking grounds around the Veltins Arena. 

Julian was talking about something with mediocre interest, and Benni was sort of listening - both of them too exhausted to actually engage in a full conversation. Benedikt's car was typically parked at the other side of the parking lot, as it hadn't come to his mind those few hours ago that they might be on their last legs after the last training at the end of the week.

All he wanted was to just get to it, drive Julian home and then go to his own place, take a hot shower, maybe eat something and simply go to sleep. And that's perhaps why it took him a second to realize that Julian was, actually, neither speaking nor walking beside him anymore. 

He stopped and turned around, searching in confusion for the younger man. Julian was standing a couple of steps behind him with his bag long forgotten on the wet pavement, running his hands frantically across his hoodie and the pockets of his jeans.  
Benni watched him for a couple of seconds, before he eventually asked: "You alright?"

Julian shot him a slightly annoyed look, then resumed the exploration of every single pocket he had in his clothes. It went on for a while, and finally Julian sighed heavily, dropping his hands on his sides in defeat.

"I must have forgotten my phone in the dressing rooms." He explained gloomily. "Alongside with my wallet. And keys." He added, expression full of annoyance and self-pity. 

Benni sighed, fixed the strap of his own bag on his shoulder and crossed those few meters that were between them. He picked up Julian's bag from the ground, and patted the boy lightly on his shoulder.

"I'll carry it for you." He offered. "Go back. Maybe they haven't closed it yet." 

Julian looked at him with gratitude and jogged off, towards the arena, leaving Benni standing with two not-so-light bags. When he got to the main door, the custodian was already closing the building, but after a quick explanation he was let inside and he quickly managed to retrieve his abandoned belongings. He muttered a rushed thank you on his way out, and after walking a couple of steps with his phone and wallet safe in the back pocket of his jeans, he broke off to a light run. 

Benni greeted him with a small smile, waiting for him exactly where he had left him.

"Did you get everything this time?" He asked, and Julian glared at him, which only caused Benni's smile to widen. 

"I did, thank you very much." The younger man mumbled, taking his bag off of Benni's shoulder. 

Benni watched him with slight amusement, as he struggled to hold it open, while reaching out to his backpockets to stuff his belongings inside the bag. 

"And yeah, thanks for waiting for me. And the bag... You didn't have to hold it up all that time, though." Julian said, looking up at the older man. 

"Didn't want you to ruin my car with your muddy bag." Benni replied, shrugging, light smile still tugging on his lips. "No problem, anyways. You ready to go?" 

Julian quickly swung his bag over his shoulder, ran his hands through his short hair - and then, finally, smiled. 

"Yeah."

 

**2.**

They drove into the housing estate and Benni slowed the car down a bit. 

Blocks of flats surrounding the street they were currently on looked almost identical in the dim light of the street lamps. Julian's eyes followed the buildings as he counted them in his mind, before he eventually decided to say something;

“Alright, it's here”. 

Benni didn’t reply, just simply pulled over beside the curb, stopped the car and pulled up the handbrake without turning off the engine. 

While Julian began to look around the inside of the car for his belongings, trying to simultaneously pull on his jacket and find the keys to his flat, Benni rested his right elbow on the steering wheel, supported his head on his right hand and proceeded to watch with slight amusement as the youngster attempted to disentangle himself from his own clothing and the safety belt. 

“Hey, you know what. I'm fairly certain that I'd be easier for you, if you decided to actually leave the vehicle.” He suggested politely, as Julian stuffed his left knee into the dashboard for the third time. Jules glared at him in return. 

“Yeah, thanks for kicking me out when it's basically freezing outside.” He grumbled back, sweeping his eyes over his surroundings for the last time. “I'm just about to leave, anyways.” 

He felt around in the dark for the doorknob and pushed the door open. The freezing, late autumn wind blew inside the car almost immediately, which elicited a loud, full of complaint moan from Julian and Benni tried with all his might not to start laughing at that. 

Jules managed to awkwardly climb out of the car and then slam the door shut almost immediately. He fixed the strap of his bag on his shoulder, took a few quick steps in place, but made no move whatsoever towards the entrance of his building.

Benni still watched him with curiosity from behind the steering wheel, this time not even bothering to hide a soft smile forming on his lips. Julian returned his gaze from the outside, visibly indecisive about his current state; he frowned, pressed his lips into a thin line and reached for the doorknob in a quick, rushed manner. 

“What the hell are you staring at?” He shouted inside, trying to make himself heard despite the howling wind. “You can go already, you know!”

“Same applies to you, my fellow teammate.” Replied Benni with a wide grin plastered across his face. “You could’ve reached your flat like, four times already, but instead you chose to stay here and complain," He pushed himself off the steering wheel and stretched his shoulders and arms. “No but seriously, we have nothing to talk about here. Just go.” He looked up and sighed heavily, seeing the confusion written all over the younger boy's face. “Julian, go ahead. Just do it. I'll stay here until I see you turn on the light in your flat. Just in case you decide to,” He stopped for a second, his eyes searching for something somewhere behind Julian, then continued in a slightly annoyed tone: “I don't know, fall down those muddy stairs over there.”

Jules stared at him in complete disbelief. 

“Benni, I'm not sure if...”

“Oh come on, kid, you're letting the cold inside my car and you'll probably catch something yourself too. Someone has to look after you sometimes, after all, so just allow this to happen and, for once, don't complain.” He dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

Julian hesitated a little before he eventually closed the door, looked at Benni for the last time and slowly headed for the entrance to the building. And Benni, just as he had said himself, watched him walk inside. 

He ran up a couple of stairs to the first floor, unlocked the door to his flat and pushed them open. He quickly dropped his bag, took off his drenched trainers and dragged himself across the living room, to finally push down the light switch and move to stand beside the window. 

He saw Benni flash the headlights for a second and he subconsciously raised his hand to wave at him. But then he realized that Benni probably wouldn’t see it anyways and jerked it to the side, a little embarrassed, pretending that it was his goal from the start to grab and pull the curtains closed. In the meantime Benni had already managed to drive off, and now there was a slightly lighter, drier spot on the generally muddy and wet asphalt, right where Benni’s car was parked. 

Julian pulled the other curtain towards the first one, and moved back inside his flat. He shrugged off his coat and reached out absent-mindedly to lay it across the nearby armchair to let it dry.

He threw himself onto his couch, feeling as exhaustion slowly overtook him. He reached into the pocket of his jeans for the phone, but hesitated for a while before finally deciding to unlock it. He typed in a few words, pressed send, and threw the phone thoughtlessly somewhere beside him. A couple of minutes passed before the screen lit up again; Julian glanced at it side-ways, biting his lower lip not to grin too widely. 

  
_Heute, 21:14:51_ [Ich] _: thanks 4 getting me home in this shit weather :/_  
Heute, 21:19:27 [Benni] _: Anytime, Jules ;) anytime  
_

 

**3.**

He felt as the defender slammed right into him at full speed, as the corks of his boots hit his calf, tearing down his sock alongside with the shin guard and as the man’s wide elbow knocked into his ribs with bone-crushing force. The next second he was lying face-down into the grass, unable to move, feeling like all the muscles around his ribs were literally burning. He was too scared to even think about what had just happened, as his left leg hurt like somebody had cut if off with a blunt chainsaw. 

Suddenly everything around him exploded with noise. Someone grabbed his shoulder, tugged it sharply to turn him around and he fell on his back with a loud groan - which only managed to push the remaining air out of his lungs. He saw a flash of bright red and then his surroundings were blocked by a wall of blue. 

He tried to look down to inspect the damage on his leg, but suddenly someone caught his face with their both hands and pulled his head backwards, back onto the grass. Probably the same pair of hands proceeded then to clasp around his right hand, almost crushing his bones there, too. 

He heard someone shout for the medical team before he blacked out for the first time. 

 

He regained his consciousness a mere seconds after that, as he was carried off the pitch to the sidelines - the only constant he could recognize was the feeling of the bones in his hand still being crushed. His eyes fixed subconsciously on a white captain band around someone's, clad in a blue shirt, arm.

He heard a rushed voice beside him, and felt like his whole insides suddenly imploded;

"Don't let him look down. Last thing we need now is him getting a panic attack or freaking out in any other way." 

Then all the colors mixed and he passed out again. 

 

When he woke up for the second time the pain in his leg was surprisingly gone - though he just felt like there was pure, freezing void instead of his actual flesh. 

His chest still hurt with every single breath he tried to take, and this time he focused all his might on not losing consciousness again. 

People were still swarming around him, they still yelled things he didn't understand; and all, that somehow kept him out of the comforting blackness, was someone constantly holding his hand, like an anchor. He managed to slowly open his eyes, only to stare up directly into a pair of familiar, light brown eyes, filled with nothing but anxiety. His ravaged brain lit up immediately, and he had to shut his eyes and use all his willpower not to pass out again. Benedikt. Benni. 

He tried to lift himself up again and once again, Benni's hand pushed gently against his chest to keep him in place. The same hand moved quickly upwards, to stroke his cheek lightly. 

"Please, don't." He heard Benni say weakly, and Julian felt how much his hand was actually trembling against his face. Julian took a few, shallow breaths. 

"W-Why..."

Benni pushed Julian's hair back, out of his forehead, and returned to stroke his cheek. His left hand was still clasped on Julian's right one. His gaze moved rapidly from Julian's face to his legs, and all those paramedics around. He bit his lower lip, eyes shining strangely, as he spoke:

"It's going to be fine. You'll be alright."

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably write and add those remaining ones too, after I'm done with other things.


End file.
